This is where I found new space
20 January
I learned to take pride in the cliffs of my mind - they were strong and unyielding. Over the geologic era of my steady and short young years, they stood firm.
Of course, there were knocks and falls. The chips that led to cracks. They just made my protective mountains stronger.
But one day, there was a chasm. The rock slide of intentional vulnerability opening up spaces that weren’t there before. An erosion.
I found myself repeating each day, scrambling up the rocks and sliding down torso-deep sands, ‘I don’t know why, but the old defence mechanisms aren’t working anymore. I can’t make them work.’
But when the dust has cleared, when the air is still, I notice a new view. I can see the sea and the sky better than before.
I find I am breathing better.
What I’ve valued this week:
The yoga session where I could feel each ligament of my body hurting and exhausted, but I still gently pushed myself through.
Last year I started taking Japanese conversation classes again. When my old teacher took a new job last summer, I got out of the habit and was reluctant to find a new teacher. Until now. For the past 10 days, I’ve tried a different Japanese teacher every day. I made a few mistakes (I tried to take a lesson in a service station with shoddy wifi; I missed a teacher’s description that said she could only speak Chinese and Japanese, and ended up having a very intense 30 minute conversation with no breaks for English). But I got told by two teachers ‘You’re not a beginner. You understand quite a lot. And you talk lots!’ That was a pretty great moment to reach.
Instead of making myself speed up to match the current of the world, giving myself the courtesy to slow down.
This new 2 minute song from Explosions in the Sky.
This card:
